This is so good it could turn lead into gold, then turn that gold into platinum straight from the Wah Wah Mountains. Junkie Doug Russel came out to the Ann Arbor, MI stop of the ROOKIE Tailgate Tour. I said we would not have an all-ages podcast of THE ROOKIE, because it would be too much work to bleep out all the cursing -- particularly because someone has to sit and listen to the whole episode, then edit in a bleep whenever a naughty word flies. Doug said "hey, I'm listening to it anyway, so I'll just keep a list for you to make it easier."

So here is Doug's list of "bleep spots" for Episodes 1, 2, 3, 10 & 11 of THE ROOKIE:

Ep 1:
5:28 watch that fucker
13:49 every damn road game
14:00 even the fucking bats
22:19 I hate those fuckers
23:56 on the center's ass
27:35 fucking kidding me
34:30 giant sized fucker
35:13 fucking five step drop
35:24 shit myself
35:46 flat on his ass
36:12 shit kicker lefts
37:49 shit yourself?
37:51 almost shit myself
38:06 he's fucking rich
38:13 god damn year
38:54 fucking cake walk
39:05 crazy shit

Ep 2:
4:52 fuck
8:08 fuck em all
10:24 kick the shit
10:35 piece of shit
10:42 motherfucker
11:40 fucking underclass
15:05 fucking rock
16:10 one hell of a
18:37 jack shit
22:10 gave a damn
23:00 kiss my ass

Ep 3:
8:16 fuck with me
9:35 big fucking adjustment
11:33 busch league shit
12:16 all bullshit
13:21 rip your fucking head off
16:29 two weeks of hell
20:17 oh shit oh shit
24:34 damn galaxy
26:43 hell if I

Ep 10:
7:16 worthless asses
14:05 Arrogant bastard
18:50 where the hell
20:09 run the damn play
22:21 eat shit faggot
26:04 living shit
36:51 best damn football
39:03 hell
39:19 fucking team

Ep 11:
9:11 what the hell
9:31 what the hell
14:13 fucking zeebs
17:50 run and shoot shit
19:00 fucking energy
21:41 fuck you
28:36 douchebag
29:32 fucking
29:33 fucking
30:08 shit
30:09 fucko
30:47 hell
35:31 motherfucker
36:39 shit eating
37:26 shit eating
38:48 what the hell
39:07 damn thing

When you put it that way, one might think I have a potty mouth. And no, this does not mean there will be an all-ages podcast of THE ROOKIE! Even with Doug's help, just too much work.

To all of you who are going to post in the comments below, asking when the all-ages version of THE ROOKIE will be out, notice I put it in italics, above, that it will NOT be out. You'll comment anyway, because you haven't read this far.

16 Comments

On Edited

Har! and Double Har!

Hey, Scott... so, uh.... when's the kid friendly version of the Rookie comin' out? 

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #4 in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

On Edited

I think it's just awesome

that the phrase "shit eating" not only shows up back to back, but is uttered twice in under 60 seconds.

                                                                           

the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

CBBC Corrupter, Official Translator of Pope Siglericus XXX, 2012 Body Maim World Champion, Siglerfest 2K12 Open Invitational Double Elimination Arm Wrestling Champion

On Edited

Is this the guy that counts "cuss words"

For all the parental movie reviews? If he's got that much time on his hands, maybe you can teach Doug how to use the Bleep machine to make the kid-friendly version.

 

I do enjoy a good list of cussing highlights. Lots of people shitting themselves in Ep 1, I'd almost forgotten that. 

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs! Got my signed copy of "The Rookie"

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

Goddammit ...

I should have known you'd be the first one to open that can of canned poo.
On Edited

Dang it, you beat me to it!

**UNdead/GirlCo - We'll eat your brains and look good doing it.**

I am crazier than a padded room full of Charlie Mansons! Sgt. Renee Jordan PUMC, PUV James Keeling
On Edited

It's like poetry

written by Mr. Biznass, Cockity, Cockity, FUCK!

On Edited

LOL!!!!!

OMG!!  You just made coffee come out of my nose!!!!!  That was frakkin hysterical!!!!!

[flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

CBBC Head Biker Babe aka Boob Master Flasher, Proud Member of GirlCo, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren AND... I'm [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]!!!

On Edited

Fucko

is still my favorite by far. 

 

 

 

Nobody can tell you what your limits are but you. NOBODY.

Nobody can tell you what your limits are but you. NOBODY.

On Edited

You made blood come out of my nose ...

It's like milk coming out of your nose, except you laugh when you're feasting on the blood of your enemies.
On Edited

To prove how hard it would be...

Episode 1 also has a swear word at 36:58 "take shit like that"

 

Removing the swear words would be an unenviable task. Wink

On Edited

The Rookie [redacted version]

Ok, maybe not quite redacted but I took a stab at replacing the word "shit" with "poo" for this one section of episode 1. I also offer an alternative for the words "piss" and "ass", just in case those are offensive words to anyone.

STEDMAR:  ..And he heaves that rock.  I mean, the thing flew 85 maybe 90 yards.  I just about [pooed] myself!

Gredock nodded. He's was always amazed by human's fascination with fecal euphemisms.

GREDOCK: And that's why you signed him?

STEDMAR: Well, partially. So the kid won the bet, obviously.  The big guy hands him a wad of bills and the kid starts doing this dance -- really rubbing it in, you know? Well, the big guy, he just loses his [poo].  He throws a sucker punch that knocks the kid flat on his [buttocks] and the kid popped up like nothing happening at all.  Except he's not laughing now. Now he's [irate to the point of urination].

Gredock nodded again. Urine was also a key part of Stedmar's stories.

...

STEDMAR:  So I ask him, " How old are you?", and he tells me "fifteen". Fifteen. You know what I almost did?

GREDOCK: You almost [pooed] yourself?

STEDMAR: Yeah, I almost [pooed] myself!

... 

It's amusing, but not quite the same feel as the original version.Tongue out

 

On Edited

Nope, not quite the same

That's why the YA version just flat-out dropped a lot of cursing spots. Sometimes its better to take out the sugar altogether than to substitute it with saccharine. 
On Edited

thats the only problem i had

thats the only problem i had with the print version of the rookkie: wheres all the swearing? i hope your other books won't be censored like that.
a junkie from the beginning, and i'm loving every twisted moment of it
On Edited

well I didn't like it very much either

but, we are used to the "potty Mouth" and it is a young adult version. I still enjoyed it though

[1st Dutch junkie] All that matters is getting my fix.

 

[1st Dutch junkie] All that matters is getting my fix.

On Edited

notice that you didn't get to the later episodes

I seem to remember on colourful rant by Tweedy

i think that it should read pooped not pooed though... poop is much more comical 

__________________________
Pusher, Poet and Pet Protector
On Edited

I still crack up

everytime I read this post!!  LOL!!!

[flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

CBBC Head Biker Babe aka Boob Master Flasher, Proud Member of GirlCo, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren AND... I'm [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]!!!

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