Look at those choppers!Junkies, I'm off to the dentist today. After they put me under (which for me takes way more knock-out juice than any normal human, I'm told), they are going to literally saw into my face and embed a piece of dead dude in my upper jaw. That's right, a piece of some deceased cat's skeleton will be wedged in my maw. This will knock me on my ass for a few days.

Hence, all world-crushing activity will come to a halt until my body goes all Borg on this chunk of bone, and starts to assimilate the skeletal framework. My osteoblasts will turn that foreign bone into native bone, and boom-shakalaka, I fill in a hole (that you can see as my right incisor in the picture at left). 

If my dental surgery record holds steady, there will be much vomiting. Yay me! But when I return, I will have fully subsumed the soul of another human being. The first of many, bitches, the first of many ... 

UPDATE (5:27pm, PT, 11/13/09):

The dead dude is now fully embedded in my face. It was not fun. I kid you not -- twice they had to use a freakin' hammer and a freakin' chisel. A chisel, bitches. Did I mention the chisel? 

29 Comments

On Edited

Oddly...

That's pretty frickin' cool! Now if only you could absorb a soul so you could join the rest of the human race.   

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #4 in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

On Edited

sorry bout that...

I must be a bit punchy this morning.  Think it comes from being behind in my word count.  .... 

 

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #4 in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

On Edited

If I had a soul, I'd be offended ...

... so it all kind of works out nicely. 
On Edited

Ok you win

In the dental horror stories. I only had them slice a chunk out of my palette and slice open my gums to stick a piece of my own flesh in to graft. You got a dead guy!

I have a feeling that there will be a dentist in some upcoming book that dies a horrific death.  (Maybe with several sharp implements in his/her mouth while someone asks inane questions or lectures about flossing.)

 

Good luck and I hope you start feeling better very soon. Or at least have enough good painkillers not to care.

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

Cool, but i knew a girl

Cool, but I knew a girl years ago that was born with no cartilage in her ears and got some from cadavers so she didn't look like Chunk from Goonies. None the less, good luck with the vomiting and get better soon!

Festina Lente (Make Haste Slowly)

Dark Knight Marine General

Jayguana

~Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum - Jay-Gu-Ana, owner of the Sala Intrigue~
On Edited

So sign up as a donor

If you're an organ donor one day you could be assimilated by the FDO or some person missing ear cartilage too! (Yes, I have my donor card)

 

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

Well, that's one way to take over the world.

Have pieces of your minions surgically implanted into your body!

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CBBC Head Biker Babe aka Boob Master Flasher, Proud Member of GirlCo, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren AND... I'm [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]!!!

On Edited

Hmmm..

I wonder what it would take for the dentist to cut me out a little souvenir?? I wonder what I could get on eBay for it?? Hmmm..

I would be so devistated to loose my family.. My wife Kim,, Son Bubba (20),, son Trevor (17) & daughter Hailey (4).. To live alone with the life insurance I would receive would just destroy me.. To go on living with my brand new chopper would just

On Edited

Of course you do realize...

that stuff like this - implanting some dead dude's tissues in a living host - is EXACTLY how the Zombie Apocolypse will start, right? 

 

I, for one, welcome our new Zombie Overlords. :)

 

**Signatures? We don't need no stinkin' signature!**

I am crazier than a padded room full of Charlie Mansons! Sgt. Renee Jordan PUMC, PUV James Keeling
On Edited

That just makes me cringe

I bet you were just awake enough to hear all this hammering and crunching? Dentist horror fiction should be an extrememly popular niche. Of course the dentist would always be killed in the MOST unpleasant way possible. I'm sure you can think of a few things to do with a hammer and chisel.

Eeek, now I'm really going to have nightmares. 

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

must be one bad-ass dentist to take down the FDO

When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed funny things I did,
Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said

What did she say?

She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causin' things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane

On Edited

No wonder dentists have a high rate of suicide

Its almost like lawyer jokes except the fear is real.

 

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

WTF??

 

 

 

That is some fucked up SHIT right there.

I teach a Firefly class and you don't!
On Edited

20 crack hits

I take the over on 3 acts of vomiting.

                                                                           

the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

CBBC Corrupter, Official Translator of Pope Siglericus XXX, 2012 Body Maim World Champion, Siglerfest 2K12 Open Invitational Double Elimination Arm Wrestling Champion

On Edited

Dental surgey? Yeah, right...

Come on, are we really expected to believe that this was dental surgery? That the FDO goes under the knife just to fix his teeth? Don't insult us, what kind of cybernetic combat mod, secret mind controll doohickey did you get? Are you going to tell us, or do we have to guess?

Anyway, dental surgery or mod-chip upgrade, hope it heals as it should.

Krister 

http://flawlessconfusion.blogspot.com

On Edited

Listen to TITLE FIGHT Round 10 for details ...

I reveal the inside story of what was done to my skull. I'm a hybrid rabid mutant! 
On Edited

Could've been worse....

They could've used......THE CHICKEN SCISSORS!!!!!
On Edited

ouch

had two teeth removed, one fell a part and he had to pulverize it with hammer and had troubles grabbing it with the pliers (just keep them away from my knuckles) did i say ouch? i feel your pain, FDO.
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On Edited

The quest is clear

We must find the name of this dead man.  For, should the day ever come, and the FDO joins the forces of good and righteousness, writings stories about lost puppies and little kittens in balloon adventures and forsaking stories of genital mutilation, we must know the man’s name, to call upon his soul, and give us the strength to defeat this new, goody two shoes monster from inside his caramely sweet heart. 

 

Until then, I’m calling him “Dave”.

                                                                           

the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

CBBC Corrupter, Official Translator of Pope Siglericus XXX, 2012 Body Maim World Champion, Siglerfest 2K12 Open Invitational Double Elimination Arm Wrestling Champion

On Edited

In TF10 you said...

the new bone matter implanted in your gourd was from a silverback bear. Are you sure? I think it might be from the incisor of a Silverback Ape. They can be some mean mo fos! Just saying...

 

__________________________________________
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__________________________________________
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CBBC-Daddy

On Edited

Dental surgery my ass

Oh, come on. Do you expect us to believe you had dental surgery? Do you really take us for fools. We know the truth...THE TRUTH!!!!! Yeah, that's right, you stupid fuck. We know the truth. You've been infected. Those little pods are back again and smarter than ever. That's right. It starts slowly...verrrry slowly. You have a funny feeling in your jaw. Is it the upper or lower part? You can't quite tell. But it's there. Yeah, that's right - you know what I'm talking about. And it won't go away. It keeps growing...festering. Were you outside yesterday? Maybe downwind from blowing leaves? Think about it. Think very hard - it might save your life. It's no longer just a feeling; it's starting to hurt. But wait, those little bastard are not done. Pretty soon, the pain comes. AND THAT'S WHEN THEY GET YOUR SORRY ASS!!!! You call your regular doctor but they tell you he's on vacation. HAHAHAHA!!!!! Vacation - yeah, right. He's on vacation and you can either wait for him to return or go see the other dentist, the one standing in for your regular one. Oh, God! The pain is intensifying. It's excruciating. You take the stand in dentist - and they knew you would. Think about it, did the dentist tell you right away you had a small tooth on top of a large one? HHHUUUUMMM?? Did he take an x-ray? You only think he took one. But he already knew. HE KNEW!!!!! He knew you had a growth in your mouth, your head...near your brain. That "surgery" was to help you're "tooth." And you bought it. You bought that they took some dead person's top of their mouth, cut it out, FORMED IT, and put it in your mouth. That's right, keep thinking it. We all know the truth. IT FOOD!! FOOD FOR THAT LITTLE FUCKER GROWING IN YOUR HEAD, YOUR SKULL, YOUR BRAIN. The little fucker that will take over your thoughts. Are you hearing strange voices? Not yet? You wait. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Edited

Excellent work

It's nice to see that the fans are just as disturbed as the author. 
On Edited

Umm..I notice that Saddock hasn't been around lately

Just where did you get the Dead Dude parts from again?

 

Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!

Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
On Edited

You make an excellent point!

Where is Sadock??!?!

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On Edited

Yeah...

He has not even updated his blog in a while. Makes you start to wonder....

[flickr-photo:id=3710325452,size=m] and UNdead Grave Mother

"I'm gonna show him what a little girl's made of, gunpowder and lead"- Miranda Lambert

*Proud member of GirlCo and The Gutter Sisteren. The CBBC Crack Mamma*

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